ALAIN DE BOTTON: WHY MAKING FRIENDS AS AN ADULT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE (BUT ISN'T)

Video Description

Alain de Botton came on the show one year ago and totally blew me away. We spoke about relationships with parents, partners, attachment styles and so much more. And now he’s back and we’re talking all about a relationship we often overlook but is potentially one of the most important in our lives: friendship. Alain artfully dissects the issues we run into with deepening our friendships, why it’s so scary to vulnerable but how and why letting people in can lead us to a richer life. We cover: -How to open up to having more meaningful friendships -Sexual anxiety in friendship particularly among men -How polyamory could be born from a lack of real friendship -Friendship break-ups and why they can be a good thing -Why people might be bad friends -How to argue well in relationships As expected, my mind was well and truly blown again. This conversation reminded me we can all have richer relationships if we take down our guards and ask the questions we really want to be asked. 00:00 Trailer 02:48 Introducing ALAIN DE BOTTON 03:47 Five questions you should ask your mothers 06:04 The stigma of not having friends - why we avoid talking about it 07:07 The differences between close friends and acquaintances 07:54 Difficulties of making friends when you get older 08:31 Showing your needs to friends 10:22 We don’t know how to have friendships 11:19 What makes a good friend 12:18 How kids have mastered the art of friendship 13:05 The fear of homosexuality in male friendships 14:18 Envying a partner’s friendships 14:55 Why being a man is tricky 15:14 Discovering masculinity 18:28 Advice for men on building friendships 19:20 Being young and unsure 20:44 Becoming a slave to social norms 21:02 Did Peter Pan have it right? 21:49 Do sexual dynamics ruin a friendship? 22:57 The fear of breaking out of the box 23:51 The fear of being abandoned 24:44 You need to take risk 26:14 Best way to make friends 28:12 Is it ok to lose friends 28:32 Learning to be “drunk sober” — playful without alcohol 30:38 Don’t be afraid to change the mood 33:00 How to be a supportive friend 34:55 Most of our lives we’re putting on a show 36:36 Embrace loneliness 42:58 The gift of a true friend 44:29 Allow ourselves to be beginners 45:07 What makes a bad friend 45:57 Unexpressed envy 47:23 Breaking up with friends 50:51 Passing down inherited behaviour 52:42 Really wanting to be a good dad 56:13 Parents felling envious of their kids 58:35 Loneliness in pregnancy 59:16 Having a baby is an enormous loss 01:01:09 What's more important friendship or romantic relationship 01:02:22 To love some is to hurt them unintentionally 01:03:08 Acknowledging your partners’ feelings 01:05:03 The arts of paraphrasing 01:05:55 Sexiness is being heard 01:06:16 Defensiveness is the downfall of relationships 01:07:15 We live in romantic culture 01:09:23 The power of sitting in silence 01:10:19 Thinking creates anxiety 01:14:16 We know ourselves less because of are phones 01:14:47 ALAIN DE BOTTON Talks about his new book 01:15:17 ALAIN DE BOTTON leaves us with one phrase If you enjoyed the show, you can also follow us: You can also follow us on: Instagram | / greatcompanypodcast TikTok | / greatcompanypodcast And if you've got thoughts, questions and comments, you can email us at [email protected] If you'd like to get Alain's latest book, 'The Secrets of Successful Friendships', you can find it here: shop.theschooloflife.com/products/the-secrets-of-successful-friendships You can also hear more about The School Of Life here: www.theschooloflife.com/signup/ And I’m also releasing a book, ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ which you can pre-order here: https://boysdontcry.co.uk Design your own Diet Coke can, just scan the QR code on the can and you can make it completely your own! - THE CREDITS Exec Producer: Jemima Rathbone Producer: Helen Burke Assistant Producer: Rhoda Abrokwa Video: Jake Ji Audio: Rafi Amsili Social Media: Laura Coughlan Great Company is an original podcast from JamPot